feardom

i don't wanna lose my time
i don't wanna lose my life

i don't wanna waste my precious years 

crippled by sadness and fears 

but the more i think about it, sight clouded by tears 

the more terrified i get, and rust eats away my gears

fear freezes me in one place 

overtaken by overthinking, i lose my pace 

i cannot make myself move, 

not even one space like a piece 

in chess, without a face

i sometimes feel like i'm missing main 

piece of puzzle that makes me up 

i sometimes feel phantom pain 

in place where i sense that gap

am i the one who lost it? 

was it ever there? 

i lie to myself as i deem fit 

to make reality easier to bear

i try to move left or right 

i don't care anymore, i just wanna fight 

but it all stays as wishful thinking... 

and i'm stuck in one place, again 

i'm sinking 

"it has began" 

i'm thinking 

"i should've ran"

i don't wanna lose my time 

i don't wanna lose my life 

i don't wanna waste my precious years 

moved by anxiety and fears 

i think about future, sight still clouded by tears 

i get terrified, but insecurities fix up my gears

and now, i run away, run with all my might 

and of my goal i never lose sight 

but it seems so unreachable, i finally stop of my own accord 

i let go of my dreams, and of my shield and sword

and the machine i was is falling apart now 

i watch it decompose in front of my eyes, 

and wonder how did i manage to keep it together all these years 

in spite of all my insecurities, and hurricanes of emotions and fears

as i stand above the dust that was once me,

i finally realise - now, i am truly free.