lost keys

 my thoughts keep on racing
to the room four ten
my mind keeps on pacing
thinking about "what if..." and "then..."

but the keys are lost now, darling
they do live on in my heart
and it keeps on snarling
begging for a new start.

for whom is this?
both the recipient and sender unclear
as a song it's a miss
but this feeling is a spear
lodged deep in my heart
a new start, a new start
it keeps begging me
asking to rethink
and every once in a while
it really does sting

would it be any different
if i didn't lose the keys to room four ten?
should i have kept an indifferent
façade, how would it be then?

if i don't know my emotions
how do i stay true to them
going through the same motions
just to stay sane

and i'm back to writing again
screaming into the void
hoping it will drain
the feelings i tried to avoid

how could i forget

oh, how i yearn
for days free of sorrow

oh, how i burn
with desire for tomorrow

but it's all gone now
covered in dust

as hope's a weapon
covered in rust

once it touches you
the sickness spreads

and you hope to
forget the caress

of the black hole
that swallows it all

the never-ending nightmare
nested gently between your ribs
there to stay forevermore
no matter what gives

Lady and the Wolf

The best way to describe her would be simple. One word contained the essence of her being, at least according to people around her - she was, first and foremost, old. Not her soul, no - it still burned as bright as a child’s. But the wrinkles on her forehead have been there for longer than most adults in the village were alive. Her daughters have married, bore children, grew old and died; and yet - she lived on, the village’s oldest and wisest.

But when a few people disappeared in the forest, and when she first heard rumours about a werewolf hunting on the nights of the full moon, she did the most unwise thing. She alone went into the forest, with nought but a hearty meal and a change of clothes in a bag swung over her shoulder. You see - one of the first people to disappear was one of her grand-grandsons, her very own ray of sunshine in the gloom of old age. And she was set on finding him, feeling deep in her heart that he is alive - that he must be alive.


One would call this insane, an old person finally losing touch with reality, and she was aware of that. But as the moon pulls the tide, her heart led her through the trees, showing her the hidden pathways only animals trod on. And she walked, one foot in front of the other, not looking further than a few steps forward.

magenta

forever split in two
one red, one blue
a thirst for adventure
and a thirst for peace
craving for routine and
lust for the unknown bliss
ripping me apart and
tearing me at seams


there's always something amiss


bringing them together
or further apart
- in the constant flux
everything's a new start
there's always a missing piece
always one more part
and whatever happens
i can't let it depart


everything's locked tight
in this little coffer
i call a heart, a home
for all that makes me suffer;
the scales never balanced
by a counteroffer
from the outside world, no,
i'm my own buffer


will i change once
i learn how to convey
my intentions to the world
outside of this fray?
i'm still learning how to talk
doodling on the walls with chalk
feeling only dismay


but i won't let it end here
because i'm not done yet
this is just the beginning, don't you fret
don't i fret


i'll be like air
everywhere
and nowhere at once
whatever happens, i'll bounce
right back, wiser than before
because i'll learn more
and more
and more...


and someday, when it all comes to a close
when it all slows
down
i'll wear a crown
dyed in pure magenta
the color i could never see
but i could feel
was real

pobeda

Živimo u svetu gde je novac kao karta

Gde ti je pasoš nevažan

Gde je država mama i tata

Gde te porodica gazi dok od tebe traži pomoć

Gde te više čuva mrak

Gde živiš kad kucne ponoć

Kao sektaš obeležen

Kad kažeš da voliš život

I kao ne znaš da ne možeš

Da taj život živiš mirno

Jer ti nikog nisi dirn'o

Sve pošteno radiš, fino

Al' te progone silom

i i dalje te zovu slinom

Pokušavaš da pokretom

Izravnaš svoje poroke

Da odbaciš tuđe poruke

Jer prorok si sama sebi

I svakim tvojim okretom

Režeš vene olovkom

I kada to zoves pobedom

Propada život u tebi

tabula rasa

if it were up to me
i'd never choose to be free
if it were up to me
my life would be a tragedy

if i were to choose my fate
i'd never have this blank slate
i would always choose mess
over loneliness
over starting again
over acknowledging the sign
the red flag
the fact that breathing's becoming a drag

the ritual

take your time to make it clear
lady, we both know how i ended up here
for your gifts, i pay with pain
what i need, not what i want, is what i gain

кружно кретање

крај, обећање новог почетка
замисао је болесна, сплетка
паукова мрежа, да те увуче, задржи
близу сунца што немилосрдно пржи
да злато истопи, претопи по свом нахођењу
да да смисао свом вечном ноћном бдењу
да се прави да јој душа није празна
да не може да је преда јер је нема, да се не зна
количина трулежи што у њој зри
да се прави човеком нормалним и обичним
јер бити сам је лоше, повод за исмевање
или она то барем тако види. и ни сво певање
муза и богова не могу је убедити
да бити сам је нешто добро, лековито, да бити
сам значи мир и време да се распетља клупко
у које замрси се
о не, о не.
мора неман везати за себе још једну несрећну душу
јер патња у самоћи није довољно слатка
мора још неко да зебе и да гори уз тебе, да преживи сушу и поплаву
и да у мрклом мраку тражи иглу у сена пласту
и та патња никад неће бити кратка
кад помислиш да се завршила, она је само узице попустила
и стално јој се враћаш
и никад не можеш да побегнеш
где год да се окренеш, она је ту
као да ходаш у круг
у круг у круг у
круг

heart empty, head full

it will take time.
it will exhaust me.
but i will know how to fly free
without anybody.
and that's all that matters to me now.
it's not a crime
to keep to yourself
you don't have to give always
not to others, at least
learn how to gift to your own self
to not ruin yourself for others
(even though you don't even notice it
- that's how deep it's etched in your heart)
but your heart is gone now
you gave it all away
and now's the time to think
how to make it grow again.
take your time.
go slow.
and change
will follow.

♡

what's left to say better stay unsaid

a heart on a silver platter
a crash, then splatter
words paint a picture
a tad bit too real
- heartbreaking

to stars and never back

on the very verge
of breaking a promise
there was a line made of hope and sun
so it was not done

lucky

always getting what's the best for me
never having to choose, so lucky
a road laid out in front of me
all cover in fog but a few steps, no need to worry

crash and burn

(alt names: on fire/possibility/parallel reality)

abandoned rooftops
city on tips of your fingers
stars hidden by clouds
and eyes that shine
and burn you alive

крхотине

зачарани круг
у коме иду моје мисли
гласи:
никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти и тако даље, да не давим

опело старој железничкој/увод у ново доба

црвена
ми је пред очима
бес
ме обузима
због немоћи
туђег нехата
јер све пропада.

сивило

коса ми нема нијансе злата
сунца
смеха
коса ми је попут пепела
који остане након што на ватру падне киша
пупут прашине на асфалту заборављеног паркинга
пупут трулежи унутар мог ума
која расте сваки пут кад останем сама

Bifröst

сатерана у ћошак
не видим излаз
и тада знам
направићу га
чистом снагом беса
склонићу се одавде
из ситуације
у коју сам убачена
без свог избора
само са илузијом
да он постоји
и да су сви избори били моји
радила сам са оним што сам имала
а сада
сада ћу створити све што ми треба

тишина

седи
ћути
трпи
климај главом
смеши се
неугодно ти је?
кога брига.
не желиш то да урадиш?
кога брига!
имаш пут пред собом
прати га!
имаш кров над главом
и родитеља
буди захвална!
неки немају ништа!
а теби је дато све!

добрица

мука ми је од људи
који би да доносе моје одлуке
уместо мене.
мука ми је од вриштања
да ће свет пропасти
заједно са мном
ако не завршим факултет
пре двадесет и треће.
ако не родим десу
пре тридесте.
ако не купим кућу
пре тридесет и шесте.
мука ми је више
и бре
и све
бих бацила низ реку
чисто да покажем
и докажем
да хоћу
и могу
али, нажалост,
нисам довољно храбра
тако да сам и даље
"добра"
и покушавам да испуним
туђа очекивања
јер сам своја
изневерила.

not a song, a letter - series of messages, all meant for me and only me

i felt his perfume
and my heart dropped down to
my stomach
and i'm feeling sick
i can barely breathe
i was eating chocolate
and the piece i tried to swallow
at that moment
is like a lump in my throat now

this might sound as a fucking song
but it surely wasn't the plan

into the unknown

it was far from ugly
it was truly gorgeous
in a way only a symphony or an opera
about a destiny to burn and crash
can be

on repeat

all we wanted to say
went away
all our dancing in the rain
forgotten in a day
all our mutual pain
disappeared
destroyed by distance

b&w

just this
just that
all black and white
never to change
always will be the same
no matter the name
i give to it
it will never quit
never disappear
always there
to make me quiver
shiver
and hide in fear
never will steer
clear
of me
never let me be
happy
don't you see

expiration date

since the day we met
we had an expiration date
loved each other feverishly
strongly, like kids at heart
that we are

the path

there are thing you should know
there are paths you should follow
there's a way how
the things have always been

my echo

call me echo
and i'll call you that too
cause we''re one in two
we're gold and blue
a set of opposites, through and through
with same choices and mistakes in the way we grew

srce moje, greh moj

Ja sam prevarant, lažov i ubica

Ljubavnik, ratnik pod znakom slomljenog srca

Sa duhom, još ponegde i čistim, koji se batrga i koprca

I srcem, koje kaljuge traži i uvek se po njima smuca

Dok telo vene, gori od strasti, od ljubavi koju oseća 

Prema propasti

Together.

I'm mesmerised and energized

But cannot say a word

I'm helplessly lost in her

Quite the bitter truth.

Should I tell you a story

Or slap it down in a verse

Should I sell you it's glory

Or crack it in reverse

The truth is plain and simple

The first and last sequel

All chapters of that novel

Reside within us equals.

(why can't i) let go

why can't i let go
of the things you said so long ago
why am i still stuck in one place
still on the chase
after you
(even though i was the first one to let go)

too many, too much

it's okay

what else can i even say -

stay here?

don't go away?

those are not the words

i can tell you

and this hurt

is only mine to look at

otherwise, i'll feel like a brat

wanting more than i can ever have

taking up two seats when i only need one

unfinished poem

so tired
i’m so tired
so many things
i have to
i want to
i can
do
overwhelming me
a hit in the face
from this wide world
 after a childhood spent in a glass box
with a clear path in front of me
laid out with the arrows
saying “follow us”
but i ran away
i tried to find a different way
and i’m more lost
than i ever was

nothing

the worse i feel
the less i sleep
i need a rest
this is rooted deep
eating me away

and i play it cool
everything's alright
i scream to void
praying for something
not even knowing what
it never comes

једног дана

опусти се.
све долази на своје.
нема потребе
да се трошиш.

набоље или нагоре
ко зна
али сваког дана
нешто се мења

и ти ћеш
једнога дана
бити
друга особа
у потпуности
неоптерећена
својим садашњим
проблемима.

тренутак

стани
ослушни
шта ти подсвест говори
толики избори
шта ти је чинити?

слобода 2

шарени змај
на ветру
у небу
тачка
у вечном плаветнилу
испружена рука
и лице
замрзнуто у неверици

породица

породица је све
породицу не смеш
вређати
напустити
супротставити
јој се

(no) change

this is just one of these days
where time passes so slow
and your soul
aches for something more

as one

show me your soul
get rid of
all the layers of protection
like a snowball
but in reverse
no objection
this can't get any worse

be raw and fearless
just like you always wanted to be
let the winds
show you what nobody
will ever see
again

told you so

you say it over and over again, friend

you say you're bad, but you don't try to amend

nor your thoughts, nor your actions

do you like those little satisfactions

like the pain in the eyes of those who trusted you

when they realise your words were true?

silence

one and two and three and

step forward

then backward

one and two and three and-

lower your guard

it's not that hard

one and

look around

two and

there's no sound

three and

no one to be found

but you.

deed

the deed was done

in a way that was wrong

but ended better than expected

as a yet another reminder

to not ever trust myself

white rose

two parallel lines will never meet

except if one of them breaks

in a certain way

at a certain angle

and even then

the encounter will last for a moment only

like a prick on the thorn

a drop of blood that colours the white rose

in red

memories

i don't remember

the colour of your eyes

anymore

but i do remember

the way your lips curled

when you were amused

the way your fingers moved

the way you leaned over billiard table

the clinking of eightball

the way my thoughts always crawl

back to you

and your smile

oh, your smile

dream

the water will take it all away

the water will take it all away

the water will take it all away

nothing will stay

but me

steady as a stone

down to the bone

my heart is a flame

i'll win this game

i go through water

with every step, it gets hotter

the river will evaporate

i will defy the fate

but once i burn out

the water will come again

not from earth, not from sky

down my cheeks is the way

it will take

and once i'm empty

i'll ignite

and fight

again

question mark

a question mark marks confusion, the sparks of illusion that's about to break

a question mark shows the deepest worries of a soul, the being as a whole, naked and free

can't you see?

how are you

at the thought of you leaving

i cannot help myself

i already feel lonely

even though you're right in front of me

at the thought of you not needing

me, i cannot help myself,

but be afraid and silent, hoping for

the best, not letting fear consume even more

of me

display of love

to join together, as one

one thing needs to be done

and i am ready, it has begun

you already gave me your soul

and to take your body, i must pay a toll

i need to play a role

i open my eyes

as your heartbeat dies

and our ties

grow stronger

and i am afraid no longer

koi no yokan

(premonition of love)

i met you by chance

never thought it'll end like this

on the first glance

i saw the possibility of bliss

410

welcome back to room four ten

close the door, the world will leave us then

give me your hand, let's dance

this night is our last chance

welcome back to room four ten

please, don't be sad, this is our den;

live in present, my dear

be with me, while i am here

dance

all i wanna do
is stay with you
forever in this place
this in-between space

your eyes are my only stars
fire around us is melting the bars
we're free, we're together as one
we aren't alone, we don't have to run
anymore

garden of your mind

garden of your mind
is where i cease to be
melt away in the sounds
go beyond all my bounds

distractions

at night i dream of you
of all that could've been
do you know how many times have i seen
the possible futures, cause i do (the number of times passes infinity)

i regret my actions
all of the distractions
from my true intentions
from what my heart wishes for
from the call of my core

goodbyes

could be should be would be
if i hadn't choosen before
could be should be would be
maybe one day, when we're not you and me anymore

saying goodbye is hard
when you know for sure you won't talk
ever again in your lives
promises made mean nothing
because it's not meant to be
and it's so easy to see
that you and me
don't believe our words
but we say them and let them disperse
in the air around us
look at them
floating meaningless sounds

glass god

is it better to waste away your life
hurting yourself and eveyone who cares about you
or is it better to go out in a style
without hurting another soul
any further

in both cases, it hurts, a lot, yes, but!
pain fades over time, becomes a memory
a part of someone's personality
a lesson, in a way
that nothing will ever stay

Joanna

Memories get hazier as the days pass, Joanna noticed. No wonder, considering how much that damned tea she drank. But she had to run, no? How else was she supposed to deal with the memories - by facing them? No. That was not her way. She was going to run. She was running right now, actually. Her brother disappeared and she was searching for him and she ran, ran, ran, through the forest, until she felt the strength seeping out of her body. That was when she stopped, and just fell on the ground, not even trying to make herself comfortable.

necklace

he said i was too young to know anything
he said he'll teach me everything
sliding
my hand down

here's a thing i keep forgetting
i was just a child, i was barely eighteen
here's a thing i keep regretting
i was just a child, i was barely thinking

ashes

feelings too strong to be expressed
no words will do, they must be suppressed
they are burning; a fire inside of me
i never knew it hurts this much to feel

Archibald Degoré

  

Archibald was born in the slums of a city; he does not remember which one - his family ran away from there when he was very young, because of his father's debts. Since then, they lived in a remote village on the south, in area near Alaenar, the pirate city. Once, the village was pillaged by bandits; and they took all men and women that they liked to sell them as slaves (some ships were still powered by people captured in this way; and some lords liked to play with girls in a manner that left them unable to function after the games were done). The leader of the pack took a liking to the boy (who was now 12) and took him in, to teach him and make a courier and a spy out of him. The boy had no complaints; he thought it was the best way to live - taking from others, all for himself; and he gladly accepted all that the old man had taught him. And when the bandit leader died, during a big fight where they won only thanks to the boy (who grew into a man with fairly interesting tastes), it was only natural for the boy to succeed him - after all, he spent last ten years preparing for that.

But once he got that position, he realised how much of a burden it was; and after killing an innocent girl on the peak of his frustration, he decided to let go of those people (while getting as much as he could out of it, of course) and start anew. What could go wrong with that, anyways?

word vomit/odd one out

words i spit
out and repeat
now, and the beat
of my heart is lit
by this hit
in the middle of it

"you will get better", they say
"just be happy and it'll go away
start thinking positively without a delay
sad thoughts are bad anyway"

sve u ništa

Sedim u u tami, koju razbija samo jedna gola sijalica nasred plafona, tačno iznad jadnog, drvenog stola nasred malog sobička. Gledam u čašu koja mi stoji kraj ruke.

"Kada sam bio dete... Imao sam se što sam mogao da poželim. Otac i majka su me razmazili do bola, ispunjavajući mi svaki hir koji sam imao. I tako sam odrastao... U ubeđenju da sam ja centar sveta.", stajem, uzimam gutljaj pića, i nastavljam.
"Prva četiri razreda osnovne škole sam proveo lagodno - svi su mi titrali, kao i kod kuće, pa ništa nisam naučio o svetu...
U petoj godini su izmešali učenike i tako smo on i ja završili u istom razredu.
Tada sam već bio poznat u celoj godini, pa sam bio najpopularniji u razredu, osoba sa kojom je najpoželjnije družiti se; uprkos ispadima sebičluka koje tada nisam shvatao, niti primećivao, ljudi su me voleli. I ja sam to uzimao zradvo za gotovo.
...a onda je tu bio on, mali, tihi dečak, ne nešto naročito lep; uvek sa knjigom u ruci; uvek u ćošku učionice, za svojom klupom; uvek sam.
Bio mi je interesantan baš zbog činjenice da smo toliko različiti, pa sam poželeo da mu se približim...", govorim i sećanja naviru.

деведесете

мајка ми је причала

како се плашила

док су бомбе падале

не сећам се ничега

осим њеног страха

и радија, како свира

ti si mi bio sve

Ti si mi bio sve
Prva sreća, prva ljubav
Ali to prošlo je
I ostala je samo tuga

ovo sam ja

Ovo sam ja
U paklu car
U raju višak
Na zemlji smešak
Zlih ljudi

nada/tama

u krug u krug u krug

vrtimo se ukrug

bliži se tama

ali nisam sama

mi se borimo

za ono što volimo

mi branimo

naše sne

trista

Nekada to beše
Negde daleko
Jedan ceo narod
Dade živote za slobodu
Njih trista pobediše
Stostruko ljudi više
I svi umreše
Za slobodu
Za slobodu

hope

i find sad songs too relatable
to feel comfortable
but i use them as a reminder
to work on the remainder
of sanity i have left -
is it considered a theft
if i steal from my future?

anecdoche

i am not feeling well

i say, i repeat

feeling the beat

of my heart, damned to tell

every little thing that i felt

i don't want to be here

i say, as i feel fear

coming up my throat, choking me

eating up my words, locking me

up in this trap

soon, i will snap

lachesism

i'm ashamed of what i've become

i feel so goddamn dumb

i know that i can do so much more

but i am stuck in one place, my feet are sore

from running in circles

play along

play within a play within a play within a play

fear that never-never, never-never goes away

on the stage, illuminated by Sun's ray

is it here to stay?

is it normal to be jealous about something that's not mine?

if it were mine

i'd build it a shrine

and place it in the centre of the stage, under the ray, to shine

eye of the storm

the painting of your life

is blessed with golden spiral

whilst the chaos from mine is viral

infecting the consciousness, cutting it up like knife

igniting the strife

between heart and mind

in places i alone could never find

sorry

i'm sorry i showed you my feelings that abruptly

without a warning beforehand

i'm sorry for spilling my heart out

and then for drowning in the quicksand

of my mind

i'm sorry for caring too much what you think

i'm sorry for letting you be seen

with a loser like me

i'm sorry for ruining your dream

blue lotus

day after day after day

everything stays the same

all my flaws start boring me

“i want to change,” i tell

but you’re nowhere to be seen

and i am alone in this silent hell

where are you, boy?

is your disappearance just your ploy

a part of a plan you had for me

since we first met, somewhere between the

movements

altschmerz

day after day after day

everything's the same

all my flaws start boring me

“i want to change”, i tell,

all you say is:

“i see”

feardom

i don't wanna lose my time
i don't wanna lose my life

i don't wanna waste my precious years 

crippled by sadness and fears 

but the more i think about it, sight clouded by tears 

the more terrified i get, and rust eats away my gears

runaways

when i was twelve
on my future i did not dwelve
i was certain of myself, that i'm living just the forewords of
my life-to-be; these short sentences you put in your book before you let your story flow

how wrong i was. how foolish that was. how sad.
i wasted three years acting as someone that i'm not, like i was mad
now i'm a true vagabond, without a place i can certainly call home - just like you, dad.

x

ove pesme su nastale tako što mi je profesorka poslala slike i rekla "izaberi par slika, i napiši nešto kratko i inspirisano njima. za izložbu je, i nemamo dovoljno tekstova".

završilo se tako što sam svaku od fotografija ilustrovala rečima. :"D
ima još jedna, ali tekst koji ide uz nju mi se ne sviđa, tako da je neću postaviti dok ne smislim nešto bolje.

houp jul indžoj dis.

( čita se od prve pa nadalje. :Đ )

19

ljudi (ni)su potrošna roba

18

pred tvojim očima je, a ti ništa ne vidiš

da li si slep, o čoveče

toliko ruku poseže za tobom

toliko glasova vrišti upomoć

o, čoveče

ti si dokaz da te neznanje može osakatiti

17

prijatelju moj

rekli smo

u dobru i zlu

a gde si ti sad

rekli smo

kroz vatru i vodu

gde si ti sad 

gde si ti sad, prijatelju moj?

i meni su ruke vezane
o, prijatelju moj

16

verujem u čudovišta

ne u ona

sa velikim očima

oštrim zubima

dugačkim kandžama

ne, ja ne verujem u ta čudovišta

verujem u čudovišta

koja te čekaju

i onda te prožderu

u jednom zalogaju

a ti ostaneš živ

i onda se to ponavlja 

do kraja života

gde nestaju

mala deca

lepe devojke

jaki muškarci

sećanja i sreća

smeh i osmejci

zvuk praporaca na vetru

čisto nebo

i životi bez briga?

sve to nestaje

u mraku 

oko čudovišta

i završava

u njegovim ustima

15

smeh, koga više nema
patnja je kratko trajala
anestezija je sada utišava
sečivo se približava
igra zvana "koji deo nam je treba"
telo leži bez pokreta
energija više ne kola njenim žilama

jadan, sprečen pokušaj bežanja
elegancija sečiva dok kožu probija

14

i dan za kojim žudim je tu
i dan kad se menjam, kada bežim
on je tu, on je tu
i sve se menja
i brige nestaju
i suze prestaju
i kapije se otvaraju
same, same
anđeli čekaju samo mene
anđeli čekaju da me izbave
anđeli za ruke me drže
i vode u bolji svet
gde je moj život zapravo moj
samo moj, samo moj

(nastavak pesme 04)

13

znaš ono kad nisi sav svoj?

12

i polako


ja više
nisam
ja

i polako
ja



iščezavam

11

prkosiću
ostaću ono što sam bila
i jednog dana ću se osloboditi
i živeti bez ovih okova
bez vaših pretnji
bez vaših povreda

ja sam ja.
i to se ne menja.
ja sam ja.
uperiću svoj pogled u lice bilo koga
neću trepnuti
neću ustuknuti
uvek ću prkositi
jer ja...
ja sam ja.
i to se ne menja.

10

izazivam te da je pogledaš u oči

na duže od momenta

kao što to obično radiš

kada je uzimaš

izazivam te da je pogledaš u oči

na duže od momenta 

i da ne spustiš pogled

dok te krivica izjeda

izazivam te da je pogledaš u oči

i da shvatiš da je i ona osoba

09

deca su slobodna

deca čuvaju nebo u svojim očima

deca lete, krila su im od vetrova

deca smehom pokreću zupčanike sveta

ovo dete je zarobljeno

njene oči su pune suza

u njima više nema neba

njena krila su isečena

iskasapljena i izlomljena

kada je ona postala okovana

ona se više ne smeje

i svet staje

ali samo za nju

jer ostali ne primećuju

08

i njen vrisak jeste bio čut

ali je samo stegao njene okove

i sada ona nema gde

osim u smrt

07

i ona vrišti
i niko ne primećuje njene vriske
i onda vrišti
i niko ne obraća pažnju
i ona vrišti
i ona vrišti vrišti vrišti
i ljudi prolaze oko nje, bez ikakve brige na svetu
pa kako i ne bi?
kad su sve brige kao teret
na njenim leđima

06

zovu ih lutkama

jer su lutke prelepe

jer lutke nemaju svoju volju

jer sa njima mogu da rade šta god požele

jer lutke ne mogu da pobegnu

05

čak i kada je pred nama, mi to ne vidimo

zato što ne znamo šta je to 

i kako da se odbranimo 

kada ne znamo protiv čega se borimo

04

pijem da zabravim

pijem da pobegnem

pilule su ključ

za otvaranje

kapija sveta snova

pijem ih zajedno

da duže ostanem tamo

a jednog dana

popiću dovoljno

da i sama postanem

deo tog sveta

da pobegnem

od svega

03

jedini zvuci u njenom životu postali su

zvuk otvaranja vrata

zvuci udaraca

njihovo stenjanje

njeno plakanje

još udaraca

a onda, zvuk navlačenje pantalona

zvuk zakopčavanja rajfešlusa

i zvuk odlaska

jedino osećanje u njoj je

praznina

jedina stvar koju ona radi je

da čeka

jedina stvar koju želi je

ništa

jer nje više nema

ostala je samo ljušura

02

energija naših duša, krv naših vena se koristi za podmazivanje točkova zupčanika njihovog posla

01

osećam ljubav kako plovi kroz njega

osećam ljubav u svim njegovim udarcima

dok se moj um raspada

i onda on odlazi

i drugi me voli

i treći, četvrti, peti, šesti

i tako do beskonačnosti

svaki od njih malo po malo lomi moj um

dok od njega ne ostane beskonačno mnogo delova

zašto se ovo dešava?

da li je ovo što sam želela

kada sam krenula za njim?

moj bože, ne, ne, ne

ali nemam kuda da pobegnem

ne znam kako da pobegnem

pa ostajem

dan budući

živimo od dana današnjeg, do dana budućeg

dan za danom, pokušavamo da preživimo
ne pitajući se ima li čega većeg

u međuvremenu zaboravljamo da živimo

da li je to način na koji treba da trošimo naše živote?
gledamo samo napred, guramo dalje, poput stoke
grozničavo trčimo na sve strane
dok vreme prolazi tiho, tiše...

sećaš li se kako se polako diše?
ili su ti i udasi brzi i kratki
efektivno sekunde štedeći
za život koji nećeš imati

hineni

i loved many women, many times.
i have told many truths, many lies.

and now, every night i go to sleep, i go with
knowledge that i might not wake up.
but thanks to the fruits of my love, i got rid
of all fear and with myself i made up.

i am at peace. i loved, and i am loved
and i am content with what i have and i had.

in this bed i spend my last days
as silver become the skies
and the land will soon be white, covered in snow
and that's when i feel i will go.

hineni, my lord, i will say
here i am, and i'm here to stay.

migraine

cup was filled
and it spilled
and i ain't alright
i cannot see the light
anymore

i need to live
not to survive
but it's not enough
it's never enough

who knows

that gaping hole in my chest
which i never wanted to be seen
was too big, it was a nest
of love monster, of another me

was it just my desire, just my need
to be loved, and cared for, that freed
it, and let it outside, to feed?

or was it me from the beginning? was i that frightening
that when i realized it, i hid it and kept hiding, hiding
all these years, before i met you, before it broke out with a bolt of lightning

do i really still like you? or i liked the notion
that you cared for me, more than anyone?
did i like you, or did i like the emotion
that you showed when i said we were done?
did i like the despair in your voice,
so opposed to the happiness you once showed?
did i like the fact, that with one choice,
i could make everything we had corrode?

but, if that's what i wanted, why did I, then,
so desperately wanted to turn everything back, and
cried and cried when you weren't answering, oh, dear,
why did i plead gods for you to come back with such fear
in my heart that could not disappear
even when you were here?

and now again, you're gone
but life goes on
and i need to deal with this
heavy weight
but one day, i will know bliss
so i will wait
and we might meet again
and we might look at each other
and we might not feel this pain
it might be worth living another
day

Vino

Bila je to mračna, mračna noć. Nikog nije bilo na ulicama, osim u zoni crvenih fenjera gde su se prostitutke šetale i nudile čari svoga tela retkim prolaznicima.

Jedan čovek obučen u dugačak kaput, sa podignutim visokim okovratnikom, rukama nabijenim duboko u velike džepove i šeširom spuštenim preko očiju je brzo prolazio kroz uličice oko te zone, izbegavajući poglede. Delovalo je da je usredsređen na nešto, poput psa koji prati trag.

Stigao je do jedne male, mračne kuće sa prozorima preko koga su bile zakucane daske i gvozdenim vratima koja je, na prvi pogled, pojela rđa.

Čim je stao ispred njih, ona su se otvorila.

„Očekivao sam Vas. Drago mi je što niste odugovlačili...“, nasmešio se gospodin sa tankim brčićima. Njegova snežno bela košulja je odudarala od katran crnih prsluka, pantalona i cipela. Njegova kosa je bila crna i zalizana unazad, sa pokojom belom vlasi. U levoj ruci je držao čašu krvavo crvenog vina, dok je desnom rukom držao vrata da se ne zatvore. Njegove usne su bile iskrivljene u podrugljiv osmeh.

„Pa, ne bih mogao reći da mi je drago... Džone Varhale...“, čovek u kaputu je izvukao levu ruku iz džepa i njome skinuo šešir. Zatim je izvukao desnu ruku iz džepa i otkočio oroz pištolja, uperivši ga u Varhala.

the fall

Let me tell you a story

About love that transcends all

About a girl without a soul

About a boy without a place

About a web that looks like lace...

This story no one knows

But the girl who names souls

The story about a rare sight

The story of gods' fight

The story of Namer's power

The story of Consciousness' tower....

All that exists of this song is those eleven lyrics; the rest is forever lost, unknown to anyone...

Except for the Namer.

o Heroju i Slikaru

Godine i godine prolaze

Doba nova dolaze

Vladar isti ostaje

Tiranija njegova ne prestaje

Narod u očaj pada

Nigde ne ostaje nada

Svi su u okovima

Nema ni molitava

Sad već godimana

Nada spava.

Mlada majka rađa dete

Očiju zlatnih, kose svetle

Kralj ga zaželi za sebe

Majka se odupre, pa nestade

Godine i godine prolaze

Kralj ga drži uzâ se

Bez ikakve sumnje u njega

Voli ga kao sopstvenog sina

Ali on majku nije zaboravio

I narod je pobunio

I kralja je pogubio

the price (about abnormalities)

in order to relase your power

you must be without a soul

but with a goal

set in your mind

the shortest day of my life

1.

I was born at midnight. 

I'm still not sure if it counts as the shortest day or a normal day. And is it exactly the same as today is, considering it's the same date, only quite a few years after?

Not like it matters, though.

You know, I really love life. I love breathing, moving, blinking, simply - existing. It's a nice feeling.

2.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a superhero. Like Superman or something like that. But I realized in time that it's impossible. At least for me.

I know people who would make it. And who did. Once upon a time, I envied them. Now I just don't care.

I love life!

That's enough for me.

3.

I find it funny how everyone makes plans for future, like it's certain.

Maybe it's the goals they've set for themselves the thing which makes their future certain; at least for them...?

...that's sad.

We really are pitiable creatures...

Forever

I'll take out my eyes
So I can see better
Into your soul

I'll pierce my eardrums
So I can hear better
That song of yours

I'll destroy my nose and lungs
So I can smell better
Voices you bring to me

I'll cut off my tongue
So I can taste better
Colours of your mind

I'll break my bones
Take out my nerves
So I can feel you better
Be with you, forever
In this mad world

Ritam srca

01
prvi Plesač je sa prvom Vračarom izmenio svoju sposobnost da voli da bi postao savršeni ubica

Ona je plesala.

Plesala je kao da je sama.

Kao da joj život zavisi od toga.

Njene crvene suknje su letele svuda oko nje, čineći da ona izgleda kao vatra u ljudskom obliku.

A ona je plesala...

Bubnjevi i glasovi su je vodili i ona je uskoro ostala sama u krugu na goloj zemlji, ali to nije shvatila, previše obuzeta ritmom u sebi.

I ona je plesala.

Kiša

Pada kiša.
Kiša suza, kiša znoja.
Kiša krvi palih u boju.
Pada kiša.

Kišne kapi
Odnose tugu, bes, bol.
Kišne kapi
Na morsku mirišu so.

Kiša dovodi sećanja
Na davno prošle dane.
Kiša otvara
Moje stare rane.

Kiša me podseća
Šta sam izgubila.
Kiša me podseća
S kim sam pevala.

Kiša čisti.
Kiša spira.
Kiša odnosi.
Kiša. Kiša...


(2012.)

Turn off the light

Turn off the light
I wanna fall asleep
And never wake up

Turn off the light
I want darkness 

To fill the emptiness

Turn off the light
I don't wanna look
At this world anymore

Turn off the light
And give me the coin
For going on the other side

Turn off the light
And when I stop breathing
Burn the candles for me to find the river
And go on other side


(2012.)

Biti živ

Gledala je kako joj ubijaju roditelje. Sedam najboljih ubica iz celog sveta. Mučili su ih kao upozorenje drugima - da se niko ne bi, opet, pobunio protiv onih koje su unajmili. Ali nju su ostavili živu.

"To je protiv mog kodeksa. Vi, ako hoćete, ubijte je. Ali mene ne mešajte. Ja ne ubijam decu", elegantan čovek, jedan od njih sedmorice je rekao ostalima.

"Je l' znaš šta bi bilo najbolje? Da je ostavimo da živi!", jedan od preostale šestorice, koji je najviše uživao u mučenju, se nasmejao. Ostali su se složili sa tim. Ubica koji nije hteo da je ubije ju je pogledao, sa žaljenjem u očima, i potapšao je po glavi pre nego što su otišli. Čim su zatvorili vrata, ona je otrčala do svojih roditelja.

"Tata! Mama!", ona je vrištala grleći njihova uništena, krvava tela. "Molim vas recite nešto!", nije shvatala da su mrtvi. "Aaaaa!", vrištala je. "Ne ostavljajte me samu!", grcala je, gušeći se u suzama. Naizmenično vrišteći i plačući, dozivala ih je, sve dok policija nije došla...

Okvir

Pomeri se 

Popni se na stolicu 

Gledaj 

Prozor je zamrljan 

Ali sunčevi zraci se i dalje probijaju u sobu 

Slušaj 

Uši su ti zagnojene 

Ali ptice su dovoljno glasne da ih i ti čuješ 

Onjuši 

Oseti smrad raspadanja 

Ali se seti mirisa kose svog deteta 

Dodirni 

Oseti grubu teksturu konopca 

Pogledaj kroz njega 

Provuci glavu kroz omču 

Zakorači napred 

U lepši svet

Igre bogova

"Da li si ikada mislio kako li je bilo Minotauru? Svi žale one koji su ušli u njegov lavirint, ali šta ako im Minotaur nije želeo zlo? Možda se samo bio plašio... A onda je došao Tezej i ubio ga je...", ona mu je rekla. On joj je odbrusio: "Umukni!", najgubljim mogućim tonom. Ona ga je poslušala i ućutala, i dalje misleći o lavirintu u kome je bio Minotaur.
"Šta ako on nije želeo da ubija, ali su ga godine života u lavirintu izludele? Šta ako... Šta ako se zbog toga stvorio još jedan lavirint, ali u njegovom umu?! Jadan, jadan Minotaur...", razmišljala je. "Možda je on... poput mene?", uzdahnula je, tiho, tiho, da je brat ne čuje, da ne bi vikao na nju.
Bilo je vreme za nju da krene na spavanje. Legla je, malo se prevrtala po krevetu, tiho, tiho, da je roditelji ne čuju, i onda je zaspala.

Pesma

Mir i tišinu na jednom od sporednih vilenjačkih puteva su remetili samo nečiji koraci.

Njene čizme su nežno gazile po tvrdoj, utabanoj zemlji. Pojas o koji su joj bile okačene korice noža se njihao na njenom levom kuku. Lančić sa priveskom u obliku spirale joj je igrao na bujnim grudima. Ogrtač se vijorio za njom dok joj je polu-zlatna, polu-srebrna kosa visila preko ramena - zlatna pletenica preko levog, a srebrna preko desnog ramena. Popravila je povez preko desnog oka, blago dotakla tetovažu u obliku krune na svom desnom obrazu i pogledala oko sebe. Drveće je u urednim redovima raslo s obe strane staze, stvarajući zid koji nije dozvoljavao prolaznicima da vide dublji deo šume. Krošnje nisu skroz natkriljavale stazu, pa je moglo da se vidi čisto plavo nebo.

Odjednom se začuo neki zvuk. Ona je zabacila plašt na leđa i desnom rukom je uhvatila nož. Već je skoro do kraja izvukla nož kada je ljubičasta lisica sa zelenim repom pretrčala put ispred nje. "Izgleda da su blizu...", vilenjakinja je pomislila.Pažljivije je pogledala drveće sa obe strane i učinilo joj se da između dva drveta s njene leve strane koja su bila na par koraka od nje nešto svetluca. Došla je do njih i uhvatila je malog bakarnonarandžastog leptirića. Pogledala ga je, približila ga svojim usnama i prošaputala svoje ime: "Lorelaj..."