pobeda

Živimo u svetu gde je novac kao karta

Gde ti je pasoš nevažan

Gde je država mama i tata

Gde te porodica gazi dok od tebe traži pomoć

Gde te više čuva mrak

Gde živiš kad kucne ponoć

Kao sektaš obeležen

Kad kažeš da voliš život

I kao ne znaš da ne možeš

Da taj život živiš mirno

Jer ti nikog nisi dirn'o

Sve pošteno radiš, fino

Al' te progone silom

i i dalje te zovu slinom

Pokušavaš da pokretom

Izravnaš svoje poroke

Da odbaciš tuđe poruke

Jer prorok si sama sebi

I svakim tvojim okretom

Režeš vene olovkom

I kada to zoves pobedom

Propada život u tebi

tabula rasa

if it were up to me
i'd never choose to be free
if it were up to me
my life would be a tragedy

if i were to choose my fate
i'd never have this blank slate
i would always choose mess
over loneliness
over starting again
over acknowledging the sign
the red flag
the fact that breathing's becoming a drag

the ritual

take your time to make it clear
lady, we both know how i ended up here
for your gifts, i pay with pain
what i need, not what i want, is what i gain

кружно кретање

крај, обећање новог почетка
замисао је болесна, сплетка
паукова мрежа, да те увуче, задржи
близу сунца што немилосрдно пржи
да злато истопи, претопи по свом нахођењу
да да смисао свом вечном ноћном бдењу
да се прави да јој душа није празна
да не може да је преда јер је нема, да се не зна
количина трулежи што у њој зри
да се прави човеком нормалним и обичним
јер бити сам је лоше, повод за исмевање
или она то барем тако види. и ни сво певање
муза и богова не могу је убедити
да бити сам је нешто добро, лековито, да бити
сам значи мир и време да се распетља клупко
у које замрси се
о не, о не.
мора неман везати за себе још једну несрећну душу
јер патња у самоћи није довољно слатка
мора још неко да зебе и да гори уз тебе, да преживи сушу и поплаву
и да у мрклом мраку тражи иглу у сена пласту
и та патња никад неће бити кратка
кад помислиш да се завршила, она је само узице попустила
и стално јој се враћаш
и никад не можеш да побегнеш
где год да се окренеш, она је ту
као да ходаш у круг
у круг у круг у
круг

heart empty, head full

it will take time.
it will exhaust me.
but i will know how to fly free
without anybody.
and that's all that matters to me now.
it's not a crime
to keep to yourself
you don't have to give always
not to others, at least
learn how to gift to your own self
to not ruin yourself for others
(even though you don't even notice it
- that's how deep it's etched in your heart)
but your heart is gone now
you gave it all away
and now's the time to think
how to make it grow again.
take your time.
go slow.
and change
will follow.

♡

what's left to say better stay unsaid

a heart on a silver platter
a crash, then splatter
words paint a picture
a tad bit too real
- heartbreaking

to stars and never back

on the very verge
of breaking a promise
there was a line made of hope and sun
so it was not done

lucky

always getting what's the best for me
never having to choose, so lucky
a road laid out in front of me
all cover in fog but a few steps, no need to worry

crash and burn

(alt names: on fire/possibility/parallel reality)

abandoned rooftops
city on tips of your fingers
stars hidden by clouds
and eyes that shine
and burn you alive

крхотине

зачарани круг
у коме иду моје мисли
гласи:
никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти никад ништа нећеш моћи да урадиш све што покушаш ће пропасти и тако даље, да не давим

опело старој железничкој/увод у ново доба

црвена
ми је пред очима
бес
ме обузима
због немоћи
туђег нехата
јер све пропада.

сивило

коса ми нема нијансе злата
сунца
смеха
коса ми је попут пепела
који остане након што на ватру падне киша
пупут прашине на асфалту заборављеног паркинга
пупут трулежи унутар мог ума
која расте сваки пут кад останем сама

Bifröst

сатерана у ћошак
не видим излаз
и тада знам
направићу га
чистом снагом беса
склонићу се одавде
из ситуације
у коју сам убачена
без свог избора
само са илузијом
да он постоји
и да су сви избори били моји
радила сам са оним што сам имала
а сада
сада ћу створити све што ми треба

тишина

седи
ћути
трпи
климај главом
смеши се
неугодно ти је?
кога брига.
не желиш то да урадиш?
кога брига!
имаш пут пред собом
прати га!
имаш кров над главом
и родитеља
буди захвална!
неки немају ништа!
а теби је дато све!

добрица

мука ми је од људи
који би да доносе моје одлуке
уместо мене.
мука ми је од вриштања
да ће свет пропасти
заједно са мном
ако не завршим факултет
пре двадесет и треће.
ако не родим десу
пре тридесте.
ако не купим кућу
пре тридесет и шесте.
мука ми је више
и бре
и све
бих бацила низ реку
чисто да покажем
и докажем
да хоћу
и могу
али, нажалост,
нисам довољно храбра
тако да сам и даље
"добра"
и покушавам да испуним
туђа очекивања
јер сам своја
изневерила.

not a song, a letter - series of messages, all meant for me and only me

i felt his perfume
and my heart dropped down to
my stomach
and i'm feeling sick
i can barely breathe
i was eating chocolate
and the piece i tried to swallow
at that moment
is like a lump in my throat now

this might sound as a fucking song
but it surely wasn't the plan

into the unknown

it was far from ugly
it was truly gorgeous
in a way only a symphony or an opera
about a destiny to burn and crash
can be

on repeat

all we wanted to say
went away
all our dancing in the rain
forgotten in a day
all our mutual pain
disappeared
destroyed by distance

b&w

just this
just that
all black and white
never to change
always will be the same
no matter the name
i give to it
it will never quit
never disappear
always there
to make me quiver
shiver
and hide in fear
never will steer
clear
of me
never let me be
happy
don't you see

expiration date

since the day we met
we had an expiration date
loved each other feverishly
strongly, like kids at heart
that we are

the path

there are thing you should know
there are paths you should follow
there's a way how
the things have always been

my echo

call me echo
and i'll call you that too
cause we''re one in two
we're gold and blue
a set of opposites, through and through
with same choices and mistakes in the way we grew

srce moje, greh moj

Ja sam prevarant, lažov i ubica

Ljubavnik, ratnik pod znakom slomljenog srca

Sa duhom, još ponegde i čistim, koji se batrga i koprca

I srcem, koje kaljuge traži i uvek se po njima smuca

Dok telo vene, gori od strasti, od ljubavi koju oseća 

Prema propasti

Together.

I'm mesmerised and energized

But cannot say a word

I'm helplessly lost in her

Quite the bitter truth.

Should I tell you a story

Or slap it down in a verse

Should I sell you it's glory

Or crack it in reverse

The truth is plain and simple

The first and last sequel

All chapters of that novel

Reside within us equals.

(why can't i) let go

why can't i let go
of the things you said so long ago
why am i still stuck in one place
still on the chase
after you
(even though i was the first one to let go)

too many, too much

it's okay

what else can i even say -

stay here?

don't go away?

those are not the words

i can tell you

and this hurt

is only mine to look at

otherwise, i'll feel like a brat

wanting more than i can ever have

taking up two seats when i only need one

unfinished poem

so tired
i’m so tired
so many things
i have to
i want to
i can
do
overwhelming me
a hit in the face
from this wide world
 after a childhood spent in a glass box
with a clear path in front of me
laid out with the arrows
saying “follow us”
but i ran away
i tried to find a different way
and i’m more lost
than i ever was

nothing

the worse i feel
the less i sleep
i need a rest
this is rooted deep
eating me away

and i play it cool
everything's alright
i scream to void
praying for something
not even knowing what
it never comes

једног дана

опусти се.
све долази на своје.
нема потребе
да се трошиш.

набоље или нагоре
ко зна
али сваког дана
нешто се мења

и ти ћеш
једнога дана
бити
друга особа
у потпуности
неоптерећена
својим садашњим
проблемима.

тренутак

стани
ослушни
шта ти подсвест говори
толики избори
шта ти је чинити?

слобода 2

шарени змај
на ветру
у небу
тачка
у вечном плаветнилу
испружена рука
и лице
замрзнуто у неверици

породица

породица је све
породицу не смеш
вређати
напустити
супротставити
јој се

(no) change

this is just one of these days
where time passes so slow
and your soul
aches for something more

as one

show me your soul
get rid of
all the layers of protection
like a snowball
but in reverse
no objection
this can't get any worse

be raw and fearless
just like you always wanted to be
let the winds
show you what nobody
will ever see
again

told you so

you say it over and over again, friend

you say you're bad, but you don't try to amend

nor your thoughts, nor your actions

do you like those little satisfactions

like the pain in the eyes of those who trusted you

when they realise your words were true?

silence

one and two and three and

step forward

then backward

one and two and three and-

lower your guard

it's not that hard

one and

look around

two and

there's no sound

three and

no one to be found

but you.

deed

the deed was done

in a way that was wrong

but ended better than expected

as a yet another reminder

to not ever trust myself

white rose

two parallel lines will never meet

except if one of them breaks

in a certain way

at a certain angle

and even then

the encounter will last for a moment only

like a prick on the thorn

a drop of blood that colours the white rose

in red

memories

i don't remember

the colour of your eyes

anymore

but i do remember

the way your lips curled

when you were amused

the way your fingers moved

the way you leaned over billiard table

the clinking of eightball

the way my thoughts always crawl

back to you

and your smile

oh, your smile

dream

the water will take it all away

the water will take it all away

the water will take it all away

nothing will stay

but me

steady as a stone

down to the bone

my heart is a flame

i'll win this game

i go through water

with every step, it gets hotter

the river will evaporate

i will defy the fate

but once i burn out

the water will come again

not from earth, not from sky

down my cheeks is the way

it will take

and once i'm empty

i'll ignite

and fight

again

question mark

a question mark marks confusion, the sparks of illusion that's about to break

a question mark shows the deepest worries of a soul, the being as a whole, naked and free

can't you see?

how are you

at the thought of you leaving

i cannot help myself

i already feel lonely

even though you're right in front of me

at the thought of you not needing

me, i cannot help myself,

but be afraid and silent, hoping for

the best, not letting fear consume even more

of me

display of love

to join together, as one

one thing needs to be done

and i am ready, it has begun

you already gave me your soul

and to take your body, i must pay a toll

i need to play a role

i open my eyes

as your heartbeat dies

and our ties

grow stronger

and i am afraid no longer

koi no yokan

(premonition of love)

i met you by chance

never thought it'll end like this

on the first glance

i saw the possibility of bliss