too many, too much

it's okay

what else can i even say -

stay here?

don't go away?

those are not the words

i can tell you

and this hurt

is only mine to look at

otherwise, i'll feel like a brat

wanting more than i can ever have

taking up two seats when i only need one

and i know this isn't wrong

or, at least, that's what i keep telling myself

but again, for me, at this certain point in time

it surely does not feel right

all i feel is this raw need

without a way to be sated

and it's wrong wrong wrong

i know

it consumes me

alienates me from my people

but i cannot do anything

i don't know how to control it

and since it's always searching

for something to fill its emptiness

part by part, it is eating me away

not letting me be in peace

and that's the only thing

i've ever prayed for

i'll start believing in God

when it comes true

because it'll be a miracle

worthy only of higher power

to give peace

to a true sinner

but – is love a sin?

can you love too much?

can you love too many?

i know i will end up in hell

but will it be because i loved

or hated

too much

too many

i pray for peace

for this hell in me to freeze

to not burn

so fiercely, so strongly

that others think

it's blessed, it's holy

that it's a well of inspiration

granted to me

that it's muses playing

in clear lake water

filling forest with laughter

under careful watch

of friendly beasts

when it's all but that

an islad surrounded by lava

is the best representation of my sanity

it's eaten away by flames

blazing for fucking eternity

but – at least i can find comfort

in the fact that i'll know where i'll end up

and that it won't be so much different