word vomit/odd one out

words i spit
out and repeat
now, and the beat
of my heart is lit
by this hit
in the middle of it

"you will get better", they say
"just be happy and it'll go away
start thinking positively without a delay
sad thoughts are bad anyway"

like i have a choice
like once i rejoice
i'll get back my voice
and stop using my "patois"
to speak about things that haunt me
like it's that easy to break free

do you even know how it feels
to always be the odd one out
to always be the one that appears
to be the odd one out
to be the one whose worries seal
the conversation, the good time
to be the one who has too many problems to deal
with, the odd one out
like a mime
in a company of people who shout

the words i spit
out, and repeat
are the beat
of my heart lit
by this worry that hit
me just now,
illuminating the black pit
of thoughts that do not allow
me to rest or quit
and my thoughts split
and i repeat myself
i repeat, repeat
to the beat
of my heart
taken apart
by the crimes i did not commit
but i am guilty for
and the thought sidetracks
and ignores the facts
going 'round and 'round, in circles, always the same
always reminding me how i'm lame
how i worry too much
how i'm losing touch
with reality
and i cannot deny it
so words i spit out
and repeat
hoping someone will understand
and command
it to stop
and that it'll listen