blue lotus

day after day after day

everything stays the same

all my flaws start boring me

“i want to change,” i tell

but you’re nowhere to be seen

and i am alone in this silent hell

where are you, boy?

is your disappearance just your ploy

a part of a plan you had for me

since we first met, somewhere between the

movements

you’re like a rhapsody

and you change so absentmindedly

i’m like a sad humoresque

all that i do looks like a part of a burlesque

a ridiculous, crazy, tactless melody

full of colours and motions and agony

a chaos personified

only on the outside,

though

and you’ve seen right through

me

“i want to change,” i whine, for the god-knows-which time

i repeat those words over and over, i taste them in my mouth

they are so chewed up and tasteless and all grime

but i still speak, even though i feel that everything’s going south

and so obsessed with my obsession with change

i stay the same, not noticing you’ve become strange

and when you’re gone, i realise too late; and i saw

one and only thing you left behind – a lotus so blue

or was that true you?

the one i never saw

though my eyes full of awe

since you left, i stopped

wishing

for attention, i am not anymore

fishing

i stopped repeating myself

i hid all of our photos from my shelf

i am no more a burlesque

a sad humoresque

i am not a villanelle, nor sonata, nor nocturne

and hands on the clock turn

day after day after day

passes

without the words i used to say

i start changing, more or less

i’m back in the race

not anymore on the last place

chasing after memory

of you

i know i am not gonna lose