a boy (1/2)

once upon a time, I said
you’ll never see me crying, dad
no one ever will, I swear
all my pain by myself I will bear

so, don’t ask me what I’m doing in my room
I promise I will get out soon
I don’t want you disappointed in me
there are things I don’t want you to see

rolling off my cheeks
slowly, as the clock ticks



once upon a time, I was a happy little child
I was free and I was wild
and I never thought that the thing like this exists
being sad without a reason at all, like this

…no reason at all is not quite the right way to go about it
but, how do I explain the way to this bottomless pit?

it all starts with
days that go by, without a change
people that look at you, like you’re something strange
and the fact, with every age
smaller and smaller gets your cage

little mistakes, every now and then
insults that cannot be overseen
too much shit that you have to take
piece by piece, you will break

but if anyone ever told me that
when I was a boy
I would laugh it off
but now I know more that I want
I cannot ignore
and I get sore

once upon a time, I said
you’ll never see me crying, dad
no one ever will, I swear
all my pain by myself I will bear

but I was a fool then
I was too young and
I made a promise I cannot fulfil
but I do try still

so, don’t ask me to leave my room
too soon
I’ve got things to hide
that my pride
cannot stand being seen
so - leave.

I didn’t forget our promise, Dad. No one will ever see me sad. I will put a mask over this black hole… That swallows it all.