who knows

that gaping hole in my chest
which i never wanted to be seen
was too big, it was a nest
of love monster, of another me

was it just my desire, just my need
to be loved, and cared for, that freed
it, and let it outside, to feed?

or was it me from the beginning? was i that frightening
that when i realized it, i hid it and kept hiding, hiding
all these years, before i met you, before it broke out with a bolt of lightning

do i really still like you? or i liked the notion
that you cared for me, more than anyone?
did i like you, or did i like the emotion
that you showed when i said we were done?
did i like the despair in your voice,
so opposed to the happiness you once showed?
did i like the fact, that with one choice,
i could make everything we had corrode?

but, if that's what i wanted, why did I, then,
so desperately wanted to turn everything back, and
cried and cried when you weren't answering, oh, dear,
why did i plead gods for you to come back with such fear
in my heart that could not disappear
even when you were here?

and now again, you're gone
but life goes on
and i need to deal with this
heavy weight
but one day, i will know bliss
so i will wait
and we might meet again
and we might look at each other
and we might not feel this pain
it might be worth living another
day